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Ninety-nine percent of modern Russia is one big, messy festival of repression. The rest of it? Well, it's kinda the exploding climax of a people reared on a drip-feed of nothing, then suddenly given access to all the milk and potatoes they could ever dream of. Moscow's ultra-wealth is a phenomenon: An absurdity akin to the Premier League bit-parters who fertilise their gardens with pulped jewels. Since Russia's basically built on twin towers of luxur€y and p:(verty, the concept of The VIP has become a national obsession. It's either that or the gutter. And, of course, The Nightclub has become the ultimate murky pageant for unfulfillable aspirations, forced smiles, showing off and networking; all lubricated with cocktails starting at a tenner. As you can tell, I'm a big fan of all this "psychoanalysing the nation" bullshit, BUT I also like being in rooms full of well-groomed Russian women. So, in the name of getting to the heart of the modern Russian psyche, I spent every last penny I saved from re-selling my North Korean holiday snaps on the ultimate night out in VIP Moscow: a place where mortals from outside the oligarch Slavosphere are rarely deemed rich enough to tread. It was transformational. First stop was the Lookin Rooms. I wasn't convinced it was going to be the example of Muscovite high culture that the local cabbies had promised me; more likely just some two-bit peep show. But what the hell, huh? Oh righhhhhht!!! I get it; two-bit peep shows ARE Muscovite high culture these days. How do you feel about that, Tolstoy? "Man never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style," you say? Stoic words my friend. Though I'm feeling a little coerced by that sign reminding me to "BE COOL" whilst I guiltily stare at that Ukrainian immigrant's bottom.
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